Impulses
by NefariousEnvy
Summary: When Katniss returns from the 74th Hunger Games, she and Haymitch discover more about each other than they ever thought possible. As they begin to see one another for what they really are, something more begins to surface. Rated M for later chapters. Katniss/Haymitch pairing. Hayniss.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 **AN: This story takes place after the 74th Hunger Games have ended and Katniss runs into Haymitch's arms**. **The POV switches between Katniss's and Haymitch's**

 **Update: Thanks to my first reviewer for pointing out some glaring grammatical issues. I appreciate the feedback. I hope I have corrected them all.**

 _Haymitch_

They're both alive. She's alive. As the hovercraft descends to the arena, I wait in anticipation for them both to be out of the arena, out of danger. I don't trust the Capitol to not kill one of them just yet.

When they both arrive on the train, relatively safe, Effie, Cinna and I are waiting for them in the car furthest from the front. When the door opens Peeta walks straight to Effie and gives her a hug. Then he turns to Cinna and shakes his hand. To my surprise, Katniss runs straight into my arms.

"Haymitch, thank you," she says, putting her arms around my neck, almost knocking me off balance. I put my arms around her in return and tuck her head under my chin.

"For what?"

"You saved my life," she whispers. "Thank you."

"I don't know if I can take the credit for that, sweetheart."

"Just take the compliment, Haymitch," she scowls, looking up at me.

"Fine, You're welcome, sweetheart," I say in the most sarcastic voice I can manage."

"You're impossible, you know that?" she says taking a step back and slapping my chest playfully.

"I try," I say with a chuckle.

"Just shut up for once, will you?" she says, placing a finger over my lips to silence me. In an effort to gross her out, I flick my tongue out and lick her finger.

"You're filthy, sweetheart."

"Well excuse me," she says, rolling her eyes. "You licked me, remember?"

"That I did. I regret that decision. I was trying to gross you out. Instead, I accomplished the opposite."

"Well, I guess I'll go shower then," she says, putting her hands on my chest and giving me a playful shove.

"You do that, sweetheart."

"You should do the same," she says, wrinkling her nose. "You stink. What's your excuse?"

"Just go shower," I grumble. She's right. I should shower. I haven't showered since her games started. I haven't really slept either. I was too busy watching the cameras. I'm not sure why, but I was anxious the whole damn time, worried that she might not make it out alive. I did what I could, but there were times when I thought for sure that I had failed her. But just like everything else about her, she surprised me yet again when she came out alive. She's alive. I still can't believe it. It still hasn't sunk in. She was wrong though: I didn't save her life. If anything, I've made it worse.

I am lost in my own thoughts when I take a look at the time. It's been nearly twenty minutes since Katniss went to go shower. Is that normal for girls? Do they all take this long in the shower? Should I go check on her to make sure she's alright? No, that'd be weird, right? When another ten minutes has gone by and she still hasn't returned, I decide to go and check on her.

When I don't hear the water running. I knock once. "Katniss, you alright in there? You didn't smell that bad," I say, trying to be lighthearted. When I don't hear a response, I knock again, louder this time. "Katniss, sweetheart, are you in there." I listen carefully, pressing my ear to the door. Then I hear it. It's faint, but it's there. Crying. "Katniss?" Her breathing becomes short as she sobbs harder. "Katniss, I'm coming in, alright?"

Surprisingly, the door is unlocked. When I open it, I find her on the floor, beside the bathtub, wrapped in nothing but a towel. When I enter, she looks up at me with her tear-stained face. "Come on, let me help you up, sweetheart."

"OK," she mumbles through a sob. I walk in, crouch beside her, and pick her up. She's so light and fragile. My chest tightens and a lump forms in my throat. She doesn't deserve this.

When she places her arms around my neck and her head on my chest, my heart starts racing. I tell myself that it's just because I 'm glad she's alive. But I know there's something else. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter right now. She's here, in my arms, and safe.

 **AN: Thanks for reading. If you liked it, please leave a review. They really mean a lot to me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you to Marcla for her support and critique. I really appreciate the feedback. Also, I would like to apologize to anyone who read the errors in my first draft of chapter one. That must have been difficult. I hope you will bear with me and give this story another shot.**

 **Thank you for reading,**

 **NefariousEnvy**

Chapter 2

 _Katniss_

I'm cold. But he's here and I feel safe somehow. For all his sarcasm and bite, he is here carrying me away from the emptiness of that bathroom to...where? Where is he taking me? With my arms fastened tightly around his neck and my head placed on his warm chest, I try to ask him what he's doing but all I manage is a choked out sob.

"Shhhh...It's alright, sweetheart. Everything will be alright.

 _No, it won't be. How can anything ever be alright again?_ But his words make me relax somehow. They are comforting. Even if they're not true. I feel alright at this moment, in his arms. I let myself relax as I try to calm down.

That's when I hear it... _thump, thump, thump._ Fast and erratic. Is that me? I take a deep breath, trying to calm down.

When I press my head more firmly against his chest, I realize that it's not me, it's him. Even though the beats are too fast, they are calming just the same. I feel my eyes slowly begin to close. Then, suddenly, the warmth is gone. I'm cold again, his arms are no longer holding me. I'm on something soft and comfy I open my eyes, taking in my surroundings. I'm in a room, on a bed. The bed isn't warm though. It's not like his arms. I look up just in time to see him walking towards the door.

"Haymitch…?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Stay."

"What?"

"Stay with me...please," I plead with him. I can't be alone, not right now. Not after everything.

"OK…but only for a little while."

"Can you at least stay until I fall asleep."

"Sure thing, sweetheart," he says, crossing the small space from the door to my bed in seconds. When he reaches the bed, he hesitates. I scoot over to the left, giving him room to occupy the bed with me. "I don't know," he says looking at me and the empty space I've left for him.

"Please?" I whisper.

"OK, but only until you fall asleep."

"That's all I'm asking."

 _Haymitch_

Before I get in the bed, she stands up. "Just a minute," she says as she removes her towel. "What are you doing?" I say, nervous.

"I'm getting rid of this wet towel. It's uncomfortable."

"Katniss, it's not really appropriate for me to…," I begin to say before she puts a finger to my lips.

"Shhh…," she says, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the bed. When I look at her, something stirs inside me. _Oh, God, not now._ This is so not the time for an involuntary reaction. My timing couldn't have been worse. She's naked, in front of me, inviting me into her bed. I stop cold in my tracks. I can't get into bed with her, not like this.

"Katniss...I can't," I say, reluctantly, taking my hand out from hers and backing away, breaking the contact of her finger on my lips. I know I should comfort her, but I just can't right now.

"Why?" she asks, getting up from the bed and grabbing my hand again. "Please…," she whispers, tugging on my hand, leading me to the bed.

"Just hold me, Haymitch, please?" she says, pulling me to her. She wraps her arms around me and pushes her breasts into my chest and looks up into my eyes. My groin tightens, straining against my jeans.

"Katniss, you're naked and I'm 40 years old….people might get the wrong idea."

"Oh," she says, reality finally dawning on her as she lets go and backs away.

"Yeah, you see what I mean, sweetheart. Do you see why I can't stay with you?"

"Yeah, I get it. But since when do you care what people think?"

"Ummm...since I could be arrested," I say.

"Good point. I didn't realize…"

"Of course you didn't, you never do," I say, trying to defuse the sexual tension and return to our usual sarcastic banter.

"The fact that you do makes you a pervert," she says, smiling at me playfully. "Now, get out and let me get dressed," she says picking up a pillow and throwing it at my head. I catch it and throw it back. It hits her square in the face.

"Nice try, sweetheart," I chuckle as I turn to leave the room. I'm about to open the door when I spot a robe hanging from the hook on the back. I grab it and toss it to her.

"Thanks," she says, catching the robe.

"No problem, sweetheart. Figured you could use it."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I sure enjoyed writing it! Please review, follow, and favorite!**

Chapter 3

 _Katniss_

 _What the hell just happened? Why did I beg him to stay with me? Why didn't he stay? What would I have done if he had? Could I really have slept with someone else so close by?_ Scenarios rush through my head: Haymitch holding me, smelling of liquor and...what? He smelled so good when he was carrying me, but I can't identify what that scent was; Haymitch by my side, muttering sweet nothings in my ear while stroking my hair; the look in his eyes when he looked at me. What was that look? I've never seen that look before. The look that caused butterflies to flutter in my stomach. I've never felt that way before today. Why did he help me? Why was he there, in the bathroom with me to begin with? What should I do? All these questions with no answers make my head hurt. _I need a drink._

A few minutes pass when I come up to a door. It's not long until I realize the plaque on the door isn't that of the bar car. The sign reads 'Haymitch Abernathy.' _How the hell did I end up here? Should I knock? What for? What will I say? I guess this is as good as the bar car._

Before I know what I'm doing, without making a decision to do it, I'm knocking on the door in front of me.

 _Haymitch_

 _What the fuck was that back there? She's 16. You're 40. She's vulnerable. You're an adult._ I'm thinking all these thoughts as I hurriedly walk back to my room, in search of a bottle.

I'm at my room in minutes. This train is relatively small compared to some of the others I've been on and I'm grateful. While the feeling is less, I'm still straining against my pants. Luckily, I don't meet anyone along the way. When I reach my room, I take a shower, something I haven't done in weeks. When I'm finally done showering and relatively back to normal, I slouch down in an armchair in front of the tv, bringing a bottle to my lips. I'm about to take my first swig when I hear a knock at my door. _Who the hell could that be?_

I get up, walk over to the door in nothing but sweatpants, and yank it open, ready to yell at whoever it is and tell them to go away. When I open the door, the person standing there is the last person I expected to see.

"Well, hello, sweetheart. What can I do for you?"

"I need a drink."

"Well, that makes two of us. Come on in, I guess."

I grab a bottle and hand it to her. Again, she surprises me when she takes a seat on the couch. I thought she would just take the bottle and go. No such luck I guess. I take a seat in the armchair next to the couch. There's a bottle being thrust into my hands before I have even begun to open my own bottle. She has just taken a swig and the pink in her cheeks is visible already.

"Here," she says. "We can share. I don't think I can drink this whole bottle by myself."

"Alright, suit yourself, sweetheart," I say, accepting the bottle and taking a swig. I welcome the familiar burn as the liquor slides down my throat. When I hand the bottle back to Katniss, she nearly chokes on her next gulp. She coughs and sputters. We do this back and forth thing for a while before she asks,

"How do you drink this stuff?"

"Years of practice, sweetheart."

"Here's to years of practice," she slurs, taking another drink before handing the bottle back to me.

"I don't think this is a good idea," I say, holding on to the bottle as she tries to make a grab for it.

"C'mon, Mitchy," she giggles.

"You're drunk, I think you should stop."

"Being drunk has never stopped you," she says, getting up from the couch and making another swipe for the bottle. I pull it out of reach just in time.

"I'm serious, Katniss. I think you're done for tonight."

"You're no fun," she pouts, poking out her bottom lip as she makes for another grab. As she makes a lunge for the bottle, she trips over her own feet and lands directly in my lap. She just giggles.

"See what I mean? You're already too drunk to walk straight. You've had enough."

"I don't know…," she says as she struggles to keep from falling off my lap. In an effort to steady herself, she puts both of her hands on either of my biceps. She moves from my biceps to my chest, slowly kneading and caressing my muscles. Her hands begin to move slowly down from my chest to my torso. She looks at me again as she licks her lips. There's a strange glint in her eyes that wasn't there before. I can't put my finger on what it is that worries me about that look but something's not right. I realize what's wrong when I feel a tug on the waistband of my sweatpants. She runs her fingers barely around the rim underneath my pants right above my crotch.

"Katniss, what are you doing?" When she doesn't answer, I open my mouth to tell her that it's time for her to go. Before I can even speak, her mouth is on mine, hungry and passionate. _Lust. That was the look in her eyes._ I'm glad her eyes are closed now. If she were to give me that hungry look again, I know that would be my undoing so I close my eyes and try to focus on the task at hand.

As I start to pull away from her lips, she undoes the drawstring on my pants with one quick motion, pulling me closer to her. _Fuck!_ I can't keep my body from responding. _This is so damn inconvenient! Why does she have this effect on me?_ Her hands are starting to weave their way down my pants when I grab her hand. Our lips still locked, she lets out a groan of frustration and grinds her crotch against me.

"No, Katniss...I can't," I try to say through our kiss.

"What?" she says, finally pulling away. I'm relieved when she does because I know that I wouldn't be able to push her away while she's kissing and grinding on me.

"We can't do this," I say, out of breath.

"Huh?" she says, clearly confused by the words I have just spoken.

"You've gotta go."

"I don't think you really want me to," she says with a grin as she grinds against my already swollen crotch. _Shit!_ I almost come undone at that moment, but she pauses for a second, giving me a brief window to put a stop to this madness. I place my hands on her hips, ready to pick her up and put her back on the sofa when I realize why she paused. She is trying to take off her shirt. Her shirt is over her face, leaving her bare breasts on my eye level.

I don't know what possesses me to do it, but before I know what I'm doing, I've flicked my tongue over left nipple. I close my eyes when I hear her gasp. Like the last time my tongue touched her, my plan backfires. It was meant to drive her crazy, not me. It was a reckless, stupid impulse and now I'm paying the price yet again. This time in an entirely different way.

When she finally manages to pull her shirt over her head, she looks down at me with her that look again. I shut my eyes before I can take in the meaning of that look. I have to squeeze my eyes shut with pure force of will.

She's not having that. She grabs my face between her hands and kisses me hard this time. It's not passionate this time though. It's feral and ferocious with need, purely hedonistic. I want this but I know I can't have it. I don't know what sick impulse brought us to this place, but it can't continue. I pull away for the last time.

"Katniss, listen to me," I say, winded as if I've been running for my life.

"Yeah?" she says, leaning in to bite my earlobe, driving me wild with the same feral lust that she's been throwing at me. I harden even more if that's even possible.

"Ummm...Katniss...we have to stop this now before we do something we'll both regret."

"Why, Haymitch. You want this, I want this. Why should we stop?"

"Because it's absolutely and completely inappropriate and wrong. That's why. I'm sorry, but I will not let this go any further. You. Have. To. Go," I say, punctuating each word to make myself clear.

"OK, I get it," she says, getting up from the chair, her voice hitching a bit."

"Katniss, I'm sorry," I say.

"I'm sorry too," she mumbles, not meeting my eyes, staring at the floor. "I'm sorry that I ever came out of those Games alive."

 **AN: So what did you guys think? Should I keep going? Let me know in the reviews! Thanks for reading.**

 **-NefariousEnvy**


	4. Chapter 4

**I haven't been getting many reviews, so I'm not sure if I should continue with this story. Let me know what you think. Here is another chapter anyway. Please review. It means a ton.**

Chapter 4

 _Katniss_

's it. Plain and simple. And yet...not even Haymitch would give that to me. He saw me through the Games and now he won't even...what? I don't know what I expected him to do. I hadn't planned on throwing myself at him. I hadn't planned on getting drunk either. I hadn't planned on living through the Games. There has been a lot lately that I haven't planned on.

I'm not sure what I wanted from Haymitch. To hold me? Whisper sweet nothings in my ear? Fuck me? _None of this makes any sense_ , I tell myself as I try to go to sleep. I can't, though. My head is pounding and my mouth is as dry as a bone. Worse than that though: I have an odd taste in my mouth. A taste that I can only describe as Haymitch. To my surprise, it's not entirely unpleasant. Sure, it tastes like stale liquor. But there's something else that I can't quite place.

It feels like hours have passed until I finally fall asleep. When I do, I dream. I dream of the Games and the feeling I felt when the announcement was made that two Victors could be chosen. I remember the feeling I felt then. I felt relieved. More than joy or anything else, I felt relief. Relief that I wouldn't have to kill the boy with the bread. Peeta. We're in the cave and he's kissing me. Holding my face in his warm, strong hands.

When I open my eyes to pull away, Peeta is gone, replaced by a mutt. Its teeth bared, ripping at my throat, growling as it takes a chunk out of my collarbone. I shriek in agony as the flesh is ripped from my body in bits and pieces.

I'm startled awake by strangled cries. When I look around the room to ascertain who or what is the cause of such a hideous noise, I realize that the sound is coming from me. I actually have to focus to close my mouth and make myself stop screaming. I can't stand the noise coming from my own throat. A noise I never want to hear again. A noise I'm sure I will hear again every night for the rest of my life.

I'm startled yet again by a banging on the door. I get up to open it but stop cold in my tracks when I hear a voice. "Katniss, are you alright?" I hear the disembodied voice of Haymitch call out. I'd know that voice anywhere. Rough and caustic and...concerned? Wait...that can't be right. Concerned? Haymitch? I continue to the door and slowly open it, barely peeking out of the crack I have made.

When I see Haymitch, my stomach does a somersault. I want to be mad at him, but I can't. Not when he's shirtless, hair in his face, and looking straight into my eyes.

"Katniss, are you ok?" he asks again. This time I'm not imagining it. There is concern laced in his voice, his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lie.

"That didn't sound like fine to me," he says, eyebrows raised in question. "Want to talk about it?" _Haymitch? Talk?_

"OK," I say, opening the door so he can come in. I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. He must be in the same boat because he remains silent. I don't know why, but I find myself asking him the only thing that pops into my head. "Haymitch?

"Hmm?"

"Will you stay with me?"

He clears his throat and shifts his feet. "Katniss…"

"Please?" I whisper, looking at him, tears forming in my eyes.

"OK," he sighs, taking my hand in his and leading me to the bed. I get into the too big bed and pat the space next to me, motioning for him to come lie down with me.

"Katniss...I don't know…"

"Are you planning on staying up all night?" I ask, eyebrows raised.

"Fine," he says before getting into the bed and pulling the covers over us.

"Haymitch?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you," I say, snuggling into his chest as he wraps an arm around me.

"Go to sleep, Katniss."

 **AN: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Read and review, please.**

 **-NefariousEnvy**

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	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 _Haymitch_

When I wake up the next morning, I'm initially surprised an arm around my chest. I instinctively reach for my knife. When I find it's nowhere to be found, I begin to panic. Then I take a closer look at the person beside me. When I realize it's Katniss, I exhale a breath I hadn't known I was holding. How did I end up like this? In this girl's bed, with her curled against my chest. Then I remember last night. It comes rushing back to me in a wave of clarity. She'd been screaming bloody murder and when I came rushing to see what all the fuss was about, I ended up staying because she'd asked me to. I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I feel a shift in the bed.

"Haymitch?" she asks, looking up at me with tired eyes.

"Yes?"

"You stayed," it was more of a statement than a question.

"I said I would," I say, looking down at her.

"I didn't dream," she says, a note of surprise in her voice. "I slept quite well, actually. How about you? How did you sleep?"

"I didn't dream either," I say, not knowing what to make of this new development. Could it be because of her? I know that it is due to her presence because last night was the best night's sleep that I've had in 24 years. I feel rested and something else but what that is I don't know. I don't know how to feel about any of this and I need a drink. When I try to leave, Katniss places a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm getting up," I reply, not wanting her to know that I need to be away from her. That I need time to sort things out.

"Stay?"

"I can't, I have to...um...go to the bathroom, I lie. She knows right away that it's a lie because when I look at her, I see the hurt in her eyes. This time when I go to leave, she doesn't stop me, dropping her hand from my shoulder. I feel strangely cold once she lets go. It's almost enough to change my mind and stay with her. Almost.

I am eating breakfast alone as usual, when Katniss enters the room. She yawns when she sits down across from me.

"Morning, sweetheart. It's about time you got up," I say with a mouth full of toast.

"So, what's it to you?" she says, not looking up at me when she speaks.

"Absolutely nothing, sweetheart," I sneer, swallowing hard, trying to act like her words didn't sting.

"That's right, nothing. I'm nothing to you," she says her voice breaking before she regains control and scowls at me when she asks me to pass the jam. That's my Katniss. Maybe things can go back to normal. Wait...when did she become _my_ Katniss? Nothing can ever be the same between us.

"You know that's not true, Katniss. If I didn't care about you last night wouldn't have happened."

"Yeah, but you left. I saw the regret on your face. You didn't have to use the bathroom. You're a horrible liar, you know."

"Fine!" I say, irritated at how well she knows me. "What else could I have done? If I'd stayed, someone would have eventually found us together. Did you ever stop to think about that, sweetheart?" I realize that I'm almost yelling so I bring my voice down a notch. "You hadn't thought about that, had you?"

"Not really," she admits, putting her head down, looking deflated. I instantly feel like a dick. I tell myself it's for the best, but on the inside I hate it. I hate that I have to distance myself from her because if I'm being honest with myself, I don't want to push her away. She needs me, and in my own way, I guess I need her too.

Not having finished my breakfast, I get up to leave. I take one last look at her, my heart aching at the sight of her. She looks so different from the girl who went into the Games. She looks broken. She looks like me.

 **A/N: I know this is a short chapter but I wanted to give you guys something to read. I hope you liked it! Review to tell me what you think. Like it, hate it, any feedback is appreciated!**

 **-NefariousEnvy**


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